even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
