neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
