Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
