So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
