I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
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