9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
