She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
