if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
