Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
