piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
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