Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
