when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
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