I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
