He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
