Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Randomize
