I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
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