I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
