my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I need a beard to bite.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
