i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
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