The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
