I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
