i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
