You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Randomize
