he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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