I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
