i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Randomize
