I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Randomize
