I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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