Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
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