Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
