Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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