barbara walters just said penis...
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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