wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
