We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Randomize
