I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
You may now shotgun with the bride
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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