Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
