Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
