I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
