Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
