I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
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