Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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