FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
