My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
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