i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Randomize
