I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
