Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
it glows. i had to have it.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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