I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Randomize
