idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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