Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
