Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
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