Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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