he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
